Do we fully understand why we think and act the way we do? Do we have the sovereignty to break free from social conditioning? Our beliefs are mainly taught by our parents, friends and our environment. It is human nature to follow what people around us are telling us in order to belong and avoid rejection. In this episode, Amy Killingsworth discusses how we can break free from socially conditioned patterns and learn how to uncover our true selves.
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This is How you Abdicate Your Sovereignty
We are continuing our mini-series on social engineering, conditioning, priming, or programming. Those terms are all interchangeable. In the last episode, we talked about an introduction to social programming, what makes you susceptible to social programming, and the ability to move through cognitive dissonance to expand your mind, entertain new concepts and grow. In this episode, we are going to talk about the social programming of an individual and how that happens.
Before we do that, I want to tell a little story I heard somewhere, but there was this couple. They got married and were newlyweds. They had registered for some kitchenware and different things as gifts that they got for their wedding. The wife decides that she’s going to make a ham. Her mother and her grandmother used to make ham. She loved ham and wanted to cook a ham dinner for her new husband in their new home, with the new things that they had gotten for their wedding.
The husband happens to come in while she’s preparing the food and sees that she has cut off both ends of the ham and thrown them away. In his house, they did not cut the ends off the ham. He was wondering why she was wasting good food and throwing away separate ends of the ham. She answers him clearly and assuredly that it was the way it was supposed to be done. He asked her, “Why do you do that?” She thought about it and was like, “That’s the way that I was taught to do it. My mom always did it that way and taught me to do it that way.”
He said, “I would be interested to know why your mom taught you to do that?” She said, “I guess I’ll have to call her and ask her.” She calls her mom and says, “Mom, settle a fight between my new husband and me or an argument and tell him that you cut the ends off the ham.” The mom says, “You always cut the ends off the ham.” The husband says to the mother-in-law, “Why do you cut the ends off to ham?” She thought for a minute and said, “That’s what my mom taught me to do.”
She calls up grandma and asks grandma, “Grandma, why do we cut the ends off the ham?” Grandma says, “That’s easy. My pan is too small.” That’s a great example of how social conditioning takes place. It’s a joke because now, obviously, the pans are larger and not needed, but the way that it’s done is carried forward throughout generations. Another innocuous example for me was that my mom always used Tide laundry detergent and Downy fabric softener. I associated those senses with cleanliness. When I was a newlywed young mother, I always washed my clothes in Tide and finished them with Downy fabric softener.
Later on in life, when I found out that those had some toxic chemicals in them, I had a real hard time accepting the fact that I could get my clothes clean and not use Tide and Downy. Why? There are lots of non-toxic ways to get your clothes clean, but I had built that association. The way that topic of this episode is how individual programs socially. If you were going to engineer society if there were this class of people that wanted to mold society to go a certain way for their purposes, how do you do that with an individual?
It’s all psychology. It’s very helpful to understand how humans work and think. We are going to do a little bit of an exposition on that. We all have our core base need to belong. That is our biggest desire as humans. Correspondingly our greatest fear is that we are not good enough. That’s everybody’s greatest fear. It’s a version of, “I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy. I don’t have what it takes.” That’s at the core of every human. I have coached hundreds and hundreds of people. I have children and have interacted with many people on that level and every person has that seed. It’s more prolific in others.
Everybody has that fear that, “I’m not good enough,” but if you pull the layers back on that fear of, “I’m not good enough,” it’s, “If I’m not good enough, I won’t be loved and have a place to belong.” At the root of, “I’m not worthy. I’m not good enough. I don’t have what it takes,” is, “If I’m not good enough, if I’m not worthy, I won’t be loved. If I’m not loved, I won’t have a place to belong.” This is primal because in our ancestry with tribes and with communities if you didn’t have a place to belong, you died. It was only in the community that you could find food. You had shelter and safety inside the tribe.It's very helpful to understand how humans work and think. Click To Tweet
If you were exiled to the outside of the tribe, you would physically die. That need to belong and that fear of not having a place to belong is primal. It’s in every single human’s DNA. Some of us are more sensitive to it than others. Some of us have ha have sustained more wounds than others in this area and have a deeper sensitivity to it or wounding around it or pattern beliefs around it.
Everybody has that desire. It’s innately human to have the desire to belong and the fear of not belonging. What we learned growing up to varying extents is that belonging is conditional. That is part of growing up. If you do the right things, you get in the right groups. That’s the message. If it’s not at home, which it is in almost every home, it’s definitely at school or in the workplace. Knowing that every human has this intense desire to belong is a great place for marketers on the micro and the macro.
The social engineers, the people in organizations pulling the strings of society to get politics, education, and government to go in certain directions for very specific purposes, understand the human need for belonging, and exploit it. At the root of social programming, engineering and conditioning are the exploitation of the human need to belong. We grow up to varying extents and learn that belonging is conditional.
If we do and say the right things or push the right buttons, we get the reward of acceptance and belonging. Certain behaviors would result in withdrawal of affection, approval, and warmth from our parents and primary caregivers and, later on, our friends, acquaintances and peers. Sometimes they could even result in violence. Those certain behaviors result in the withdrawal of affection, approval and warmth from our parents or primary caregivers or possibly even punishment up to and including violent behavior.
As our parents and caregivers ran hot and cold, or maybe dealt with outright neglect or abandonment, rejection, abuse, which many of us did in more subtle forms or overt forms, we all as smart, incredibly bright humans with an incredible amount of capacity began to study our caregivers and our parents to ascertain what behaviors would appease them. We all did this and continue to do this. It’s ingrained, but it starts in childhood. We have an intense desire to be accepted and belong. Our brains are looking for the patterns of the data that will get us the reward to avoid the pain of rejection.
Children need to have their intuition nurtured. That is the primary job of a parent or caregiver, in my opinion, is to foster a relationship with the holy spirit, the teacher, the wise guidance inside of a child, as well as teach them how to connect to and trust that sharpens discernment, develop intuition, a God-given ability to know what the truth is, to discern the truth from the lie. We all have it.
The main role of a caregiver is not to teach a child all the things they need to do to fit into society’s mold and not be rejected but to teach a child how to mold, strengthen and sharpen their discernment and their intuition. Sadly, that is incredibly uncommon in our society. That has to do with social programming and engineering. Most of us experience shame and self-suppression instead of love and acceptance. That is a birthright.
You are lovable and worthy of acceptance and belonging. I don’t care who you are or what you have done. You are because you are a child of God. By your existence, you are worthy of love, acceptance and belonging. Those are your birthrights. Most of us experience the opposite of that, which is a shame, what’s wrong with me, and self-suppression rather than having our intuition nurtured.What you give your focus and attention to is what you call into reality. Click To Tweet
As a result of that, instead of our unique original designer boundary to higher self-emerging as we grow, we learned these patterns of behavior or these styles of relating. We also learned to accept the generational patterns, the beliefs and the ideas like the ham. We learned to do what our parents did, and our parents were doing what their parents did. These patterns trickled down if you will. We are expected to accept them with zero space to question, entertain cognitive dissonance and form our own way of thinking.
I homeschooled my children for seven years. My whole ethos around homeschooling was not to teach them facts and figures or what to think or what to know, but to spark creativity and imagination and to teach them to ask good questions and go in search of the answers. That’s what is at the core of being human is thinking critically and deciding what we give our sovereignty, what we give our agency to, and what we are going to align our free will agreement with.
An agreement is so powerful. If you have not read my sovereignty episode, there’s a series that I did back in June of 2021 on sovereignty, consent, and blame. I talk about the will, and what makes us made in the image of God is the free will and the sovereignty that He grants us. We are different in all of creation than any other creature with that aspect alone. That’s our co-creative power. What you give your focus to, attention to and agreement to is what you call into reality.
The problem is that it is stifled. It’s the crux of the social conditioning or programming mechanism of control. It’s stifling and crushing the critical thinking skills and the public discourse that leads to critical thinking to decide what you believe and have your own free will join your sovereignty to, give your attention to or accept as truth. As a collective, humanity is struggling with the consequences of unquestioning obedience. That’s happening right now.
Everything that you see around you, all the turmoil and the upheaval, which it’s impossible to argue that is a part of our reality, world and society. What we are seeing is the collective consequences of humanities on questioning obedience, compliance, and fear-based response to the parentified, archetypes of institutionalized medicine and government overreach and institutionalized education.
When you leave your parents’ household and probably still have school to go through your college or whatever and go out into the world because your locus of control is not inside of you because your intuition was not nurtured, and you are looking outside for what you believe it is incredibly damaging and harmful. You take that your parents were teaching you how to behave so that you could belong, which developed your ego, your style of relating, your false self.
You transfer or project that onto college and onto your boss. We also project it onto institutionalized education and medicine and the government overreach. When you are not sovereign and you don’t have your own firm belief system, somebody else will do it for you. If you don’t exercise sovereignty, somebody else will do it for you. What we see happening is that the government is doing that. The government is overreaching and co-opting or commandeering the individual sovereignty and saying, “You have to do this way or that way.”
The interesting thing is that we see so many people are agreeing with and perpetuating the narrative and partnering with the overreach of government institutionalized education and medicine. Why do people do that? It’s because that conditional love, acceptance and belonging in childhood, most people have developed a saddle relating, which is a collection of behaviors leveraged to gain love and belonging and avoid rejection.If you don't exercise sovereignty, somebody else will do it for you. Click To Tweet
The aggregate of these behaviors is your personality, but when you threaten to take acceptance away that’s all the institutionalized entities have to do is threatened to take belonging away or take acceptance away. All of a sudden, it’s like a dog whistle. You almost have automatic compliance because you are triggering that fear, the fear of being put out of the group. Your personality is like this collection of ways to behave, not to be rejected, or ways to behave to fit in or belong.
Your personality is the way it is because it’s worked in survival mode, focused on protecting you from rejection, abandonment, and betrayal in the face of conditional love and acceptance. These reflexes, the thing that they demand is to see the world in black and white. It’s a very childish way of looking at the world without gray areas or nuance but seeing the world in black and white. If I’m right, you must be wrong. If I’m wrong, you must be right. It’s one or the other or black and white.
The reflex is a personality guarding against rejection and trying to find the pattern, the data or the codes that will unlock acceptance, love and belonging requires us to see the world in black and white and make you wrong and me right. The right people are the only ones who get to belong. This is survival. It’s like every man for himself and dog eat dog. I’m going to do what I need to do to make sure that I fit in and belong. It works.
We gathered together with all the people that are like us. All the people that believe like us. Those are the in people, and everybody else’s out. If I belong and I am in, I don’t super care if you don’t. You can be in the group as long as you don’t question the narrative that the overlords are giving. The overlords, when we project that parentified figure onto the government, education, media, institutionalized medicine or whatever. An organization is telling us what we have to do to fit in, toe the line or be acceptable. When you give your agency away to that, you gather together with this group of people that have also given their agency away.
It’s an echo chamber. It’s a self-enforcing feedback loop. It works for survival because you have your little group and you can coalesce and gather together, which shields you against rejection, abandonment, and being on your own. It keeps you from connecting to your feelings, intuition, critical, original thoughts, and even to God. That is the tragedy of it because the input is coming from somewhere else outside rather than inside out.
We have not developed the strength, the tools, and the ability to stand against the crowd or the narrative and say, “This is what’s true. I’m willing to stand alone if I have to in the truth.” That is how an individual is patterned or programmed starting in their family of origin as they go through the institutionalized education system, into the workforce, etc. Let me point out that these styles of relating or personalities leave home and play out in marriages, creating new homes. We are in the cycle of repeats.
Church organizations or workplaces. Our social structure serves to reinforce our patterns of survival, which are dancing, appeasing and trying to anticipate what will get us in the group, make us belong and meet the expectations so that we avoid rejection and receive that crumb of love, approval and belonging. If it’s conditional, it is not love, approval and belonging in the first place. It’s something else. That is it for this episode.
In the next episode, we are going to continue our mini-series on social programming and conditioning by talking about the engineers. We talked about what is social programming and conditioning and how an individual is programmed socially. Also, we are going to talk about who is doing the programming? Who are these engineers that are maybe masterminding all of that? Thank you so much for reading. I will see you next episode.
- Take Back Your Power by Embracing Personal Sovereignty – Previous episode
- The Mechanics Of Consent And How You Can Use It To Master Your Sovereignty – Previous episode
- The Blessings Of Being Blameless – Previous episode
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